Fox News: Not Wearing Flag Pin Encourages US Enemies by R J Shulman (satire)


by R J Shulman
Dandelion Salad
featured writer
Robert’s blog post
April 23, 2008

NEW YORK – In a new study unveiled by Fox News, conclusive evidence points to the fact that Americas have put themselves in danger by not wearing flag lapel pins. The exhaustive study of radio talk show hosts showed that Osama Bin Laden cheers every time he hears that an American is not wearing one of these pins. “Just how many people were not wearing their flag lapel pins when 911 hit,” said Rush Limbaugh.

Even more disturbing is that pin wearing failure, or PWF as it has become known is the cause of other serious problems, according to the 255 page report. “It is not a coincidence that New Orleans had the lowest percentage of flag pin wearers of any major American city when Katrina hit,” said Laura Ingram. “Further proof of the dangers on not wearing pins,” said Sean Hannity, “comes from the fact that there were a substantial number of mortgage borrowers who took out sub-prime loans while not wearing their pins.” “As I have warned you,” said Michael Weiner, better known to his listeners as Michael Savage, “the biggest threat to America are Americans themselves, the ones who refuse to wear flag lapel pins, which clearly means they support amnesty for disease ridden-Mexican illegal immigrants. And even worse, those illegals don’t wear pins either.”

“The fact that Obama won’t wear a flag lapel pin,” said Neil Bortz, “is proof positive that he is a Muslim terrorist who favors natural disasters which ruin the mortgage market.” “On the other hand, I might think of voting for Obama,” said Bill O’Reilly, “if he would say pass me the MF pin. But I don’t see that happening anytime soon.” “The message is clear,” said Dick Cheney, “if Americans don’t wear these pins, we will be hit again and we will be hit hard.”

“The greatest patriotic duty and sacrifice that can be made by any true American who loves their country,” said Mike Regan, “is to make sure they are wearing a flag lapel pin.” This could be a bigger problem than anticipated due to the recent recall by All American Trading Company of El Segundo, California which just announced a massive return of flag lapel pins due the accidental use of lead paint when they were manufactured in China.