GATES OF HELL – Vice President Dick Cheney and Satan announced they have signed a non-aggression pact where each pledges not to interfere with the activities of the other no matter how enticing it might be to jump into the fray. “This is an agreement of historic proportions,” said Yale professor Glen Gidworth, “similar to the non-aggression pact signed by Hitler and Stalin in August 1939, just before Germany invaded Poland to start World War II.” Gidworth speculates that this pact will clear the way for the American invasion of Iran.
The Post Times Sun Dispatch has learned that the Agreement, also known as the Dick and the Devil Pact has secretly divided up the world into “territorial and political arrangements” where some parts of the globe would be ruled by Cheney and the others by Satan. “I hope the US gets Satan,” said a high level official who preferred to remain anonymous, ‘because the other choice is worse.”
“Now that I know that those good ol’ boys won’t be agressicating each other,” said President Bush, “I can concentrate on the most importantest task of being selected President, clearing brush from my ranch.”
“Cheney is the kind of guy I can do business with,” Satan told reporters. “I looked the Devil in the eye,” Cheney said, “and it wasn’t me that blinked.”