GOP strategy: we’re the party of small change (satire)

by R J Shulman
Dandelion Salad
featured writer
May 17, 2008

WASHINGTON – Senator Barack Obama has leapt to the forefront of the Democratic party with a message of change. Not to be let behind, the Republicans have announced their new strategy, which is to call themselves “the party of small change.” “If McCain and other Republicans are elected,” said Clint Marlowe of the RNC, “there will be a small change to give multi-millionaires a little more of a tax break, a small change to allow for a little more enhanced interrogation of enemy combatants and plenty of small change for the American people because that’s all they’ll have left in their pocket after we’re through with them.”

“The American people must understand that they deservicate this small change,” said President Bush, “as all the major change has to go to support our troops over there so we don’t have to support them over here when they get back, because we need to troopicate Iraq to kill them into democracy because if we don’t send the money over there, those liberals will give it to all those starving Chinamen in Darfur to put food on their families.” “I don’t know much about change,” said John McCain speaking in Florence, Alabama, “except that I will change my position to whatever Dich Cheney wants.” “I want that twerp dead,” Cheney said. “I just don’t know how we ended up with such a bad candidate.”

“I can’t believe the Republicans are stealing the change message,” said Hillary Clinton, “because it’s clear from the beginning that I am the candidate of change.” “I sincerely apologize for any misinterpretations of my change message,” said Barack Obama, trying to answer charges by Fox News that Obama wants to change all Americans into homosexual elitist, arugula sniffing Muslim terrorists who follow anti-American black Christian preachers.

Not all the changes made by Republicans are small,” said Karl Rove appearing on the Sean Hannity show, “I guess you could say that getting rid of the Constitution would be a change that isn’t so small.