WASHINGTON – President Bush announced today that he will be releasing a book called, Wha Hoppen?: Goings on in my White House and why you can’t blamicate me. The book, authored by the President as told to his pet goat, essentially blames all of his administration’s problems on Scott McClellan, his former Press Secretary.
“Scottie was the one who outed Valerie Plame,” the President writes, “and when he told me about her, I told him how shocking it was because she didn’t look like a lesbian. And all that bad intelligence about Iraq,” Bush continued, “as everybody knows you have to be bad at being intelligent to understand bad intelligence and that is the kind of intelligence that Scott fed to me knowing that I’m bad at being intelligent, so of course I sent our troops to war on Scott’s advice.” The President addresses the problems with his response to Hurricane Katrina. “Who could have known that Scottie would break bad news to me about the Croissant City and how much New Orleans means to its home state of Alabama, and then break this bad news to me right when I had to be playing guitar with that country guy in San Diego? The reason Scottie is trying to make me the pet scapegoat,” Bush concludes, “is that he is not only a disgruntled employee, but an overgruntled one.”
The President’s groundbreaking book,” said current Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “clearly shows that McClellan was part of the great left-wing conspiracy funded by George Soros and the liberal media. No matter how much pressure they might put on me,” Perino continued, “I would never tell the truth about the President.” “McClellan saying bad things about the President is clearly treason,” said Bill O’Reilly of Fox News, “and he should be extraordinarily renditioned to some secret dark cell in some dubious country so our brave operatives can convince him to spill the names of his co-conspirators so we can protect American values like freedom of speech.”
The book which will be released in time for Christmas also blames Scott McClellan for the poor economy, the foreclosure crises, high gas prices, the Watergate scandal and for the crucifixion of Jesus.