WASHINGTON – Senator John McCain announced today why he is not supporting the GI bill originally introduced by Senators Webb (D-Va) and Hagel (R-Neb). “Those benefits are so rich that this bill is nothing more than an end run by the liberals to entice the troops to come home early from Iraq. It is also a distraction to the troops who should be thinking about killing insurgents, rather than killing on a college exam.”
“I agreeicate with that Senator McCann,” President Bush said, “I have been doing my part to un-entice the troops to stay in Iraq by making sure there are no jobs here when they get back, to make sure gas and food prices are too high here and that veterans hospitals are full of rats and mold.” “If we don’t put their lives on the line over here,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “then they won’t be putting their lives on the line over there.”
McCain mentioned that there was no way he could have his hundred year war if troops were “too busy shoving their lazy posteriors in cushy college chairs.” General Petraeus weighed in by saying he agreed with everything that Bush said and requested that the President return those photographs they had been talking about and that the negatives needed to be returned, too.