CRAWFORD, Texas – President Bush told reporters that he was totally in shock to have discovered that he was really a child of wealth and privilege rather than coming from a long line of wranglers from the Lone Star State. “You could have knocked me for a loop with a horsefeather,” Bush said, “but apparently my granddad was a rich and powerful Senator from Connecticut who traded with the Nazis and not some cowpoke from Amarillo who traded with the Indians.”
Bush discovered his true ancestry when he found an old family Bible and had a third grader read it to him. “At first I thought that little kid was a lying enemy combatant,” Bush told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, “but then Laura told me it was all true, just before I sent the lad to Guantanamo. Here I was thinking I was a hard working man-of-the-people who made it from the sweat of his brow clearing ranch brush, and I find out I am a man-of-war from a rich and powerful family who handed everything to me on a silver spoon. I was going to ask the Supreme Court Justices if it was true I had everything fixed in my favor, but they were too busy talking to my daddy.”
Bush said now that he knows he is a spoiled brat from New Haven, he will have to rethink his Texas accent and for that matter rethink everything he has done in his life.