July 29, 2008
NEW MILFORD, Connecticut – Flush from his well received speech about his European policy at a German restaurant in Columbus, Ohio, Senator John McCain will unveil his latest immigration policy at a Taco Bell in this western Connecticut town.
“John will show he is a man of the people,” said Rick Davis, a senior member of the McCain campaign, “unlike Obama who will talk about coddling illegal immigrants when he speaks to thousands, John will be doing essentially a one-on-one with customers who come for a Gordita or new cheese roll-up.” McCain strategists note that while many in Obama’s audience will be illegal aliens, McCain will be speaking to real American citizens only, as illegal aliens wouldn’t be caught dead eating Taco Bell food.
McCain’s “What America Eats and What’s Eating America” tour will then move to the Golden Palace Chinese Restaurant in Decatur, Illinois where the Arizona Senator will talk about his proposed trade policies with China. He will then unveil his plan to bomb Iran at Kasra, a Persian Restaurant in Richardson, Texas. “While the kitchen will be preparing me a Zereshk Polo with Chicken,” McCain said, “I’ll be preparing a few daisy cutters for their countrymen.”
McCain will discuss his Southern Strategy at a Kentucky Fried Chicken in Tuscaloosa, Alabama and his energy policy on alternative fuels at The Greasy Spoon Restaurant in San Diego. “Eat your heart out Obama, I’m taking a bite out of your lead in the polls,” McCain said from a Long John Silvers in Joplin, Missouri. “Obama will be wasting his time talking about world relations at the United Nations,” McCain said, “but, my friends, I’ll be straight talking to you, about America’s place in the world right here at this International House of Pancakes in beautiful downtown Sheboygan, Wisconsin.