Aug 22, 2008
PHOENIX – In a Presidential race full of surprises and traditional rule breaking, Senator John McCain will forgo the traditional staged event for the announcement of his Vice Presidential candidate and make the announcement via the telegraph. “We think this is a direct slap in the face to Obama, who is not telegraph savvy,” said Rick Davis, McCain Campaign manager. “Obama is too out of touch with the American people, especially the youngsters who are quite hep to the telegraph,” Davis said.
“My friends,” McCain said, “there is going to be quite a surge of excited Americans at the telegraph offices when I make my historic announcement. It sure beats telling everyone who their next Vice President will be by sending the announcement by Pony Express or driving around town in a Maverick or Pinto throwing flyers on doorsteps.”
“Speculation is running high that as soon as Dick Cheney tells McCain who his running mate will be, that telegraph keys will be clacking all over the country,” a McCain aid said. “This bold move into new advanced technology should dispel any notion that I am old and behind the times,” said McCain dressed in a tye-dyed shirt, Nehru jacket and wide elephant bell pants, an outfit McCain claims is a move to connect himself with today’s youth trends.
McCain to pick Ronald Reagan as VP
by R J Shulman
Aug 22, 2008
PHOENIX – Bucking all of the predictions regarding his choice of a running mate, Senator John McCain will choose Ronald Reagan to run as his Vice President, the Post Times Sun Dispatch learned today. “This is a brilliant move,” said Charles Scniender, a strategist for the Republican Party, “as it will bring all the conservatives and Reagan Democrats to the polls to vote for McCain.”
“The choice of Reagan is also a positive for McCain because he will look young and vigorous compared to Reagan and he will look more attentive,” Schnieder said.
“I couldn’t have suggested a better choice,” said Dick Cheney, “except for me, of course.”
Democratic political strategist James Carville said, “I can’t believe what those Republicans will dig up to win this election.” Barack Obama said he had no comment as he would like to keep the tone of the campaign above board and above ground.
“There is nothing in the Constitution that says you have to be alive to be the Vice President,” said Alan Dershowitz, Harvard Law Professor, ” I guess our founding fathers didn’t think future generations would be so unscrupulous and so dumb.”
“I don’t think it’s bad to choosicate a Vice President without a pulse,” President Bush said, “after all, I have a Vice President without a heart.”