GOP Announces Campaign Strategy: No Platform, Just Attack Obama

Satire

Robert

by R J Shulman
Dandelion Salad
featured writer
Robert’s blog post
The Post Times Sun Dispatch
Sept 4, 2008

ST. PAUL, Minnesota – Adding to his reputation for being a maverick, Republican Presidential candidate John McCain announced that this year the Republicans will forego having a Party Platform. “Instead of coming up with a list of issues and what we stand for as a party,” said senior McCain strategist Steve Schmidt, “we will simply attack Obama.” Schmidt continued, “The Media and the American people are not really interested in real issues, so why bother with substance when we can hand them attack slogans.”

“When Sarah Palin attacked Obama in her speech, the crowd went wild,” said Rick Davis of the McCain campaign. “It was like feeding time at the zoo. It was especially delicious when she mocked his community service. Imagine thinking helping people like those losers on the South Side of Chicago makes you be qualified to be President.”

“Bashing Obama gives me such a rush,” Palin said. “It reminds me of how I feel when I shoot a caribou and watch it in its death throes. I have Obama in my sights and I will not spare his wife, his nasty girls, his America-hating preacher and his dog if he had one.” When asked if that might cause retaliation from the other side, Palin said, “How dare they or the press attack my family. They are off limits. So’s John McCain. He was a POW!”

“My friends,” John McCain told reporters, “I am going to track Obama down even if I have to follow him to the gates of Hell.”

“The Democrats and the liberal media have underestimated Sarah Palin,” said Karl Rove, “you don’t mess with a beauty pageant queen who got stuck being Miss Congeniality. Quite frankly, she scares the bejesus out of me.” “That is one woman,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “with whom I would never go on a hunting trip.”

see

Sarah Palin’s Speech at the RNC

Party whores: Sarah Palin’s Big, Sleazy Safari

GOP Claims Palin’s Teen Daughter’s Pregnancy Is All Hillary’s Fault + Teenage Pregnancy Is Now “In”

RNC – St Paul-Minneapolis MN

8 More Shocking Revelations About Sarah Palin h/t: Kevin

4 thoughts on “GOP Announces Campaign Strategy: No Platform, Just Attack Obama

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  4. It’s over an hour since the GOP convention pulled their crass grab at 9/11 to bolster their policies, and I still can’t find any articles written that express outrage at this cheapening of our most horrific national tragedy and crisis.

    We ALL lived through it, not just the warmongering Republicans! I won’t stand to have that tragedy used to help justify yet more wars! Or help elect a president that would make another 9/11 much more likely to happen! I’m sick of seeing our national heartbreak used as a political TOOL!!

    Obama doesn’t use it, but he’ll be an awesome force to deal with if any terrorists get the notion that he’s some kind of wuss, or a fool. He’d use force – you bet he would – but only where it can truly accomplish something. Instead of what Bush did, unleashing a Pandora’s Box, because he knew NOTHING about the evil and malevolence of the sectarian bloodfeud that was inevitable – and which, now, can never be put back.

    Obama doesn’t have to use 9/11. But you can bet he’ll never forget it – or go easy on those who did it.

    Where are the articles expressing the outrage of Americans?

    Playing the fear card, and once again using 9/11 as their poster boy?

    I’m astonished that the GOP attendees themselves were willing to tolerate this cheap shot.

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