The Numbness of Awareness by Cindy Sheehan

by Cindy Sheehan
Featured Writer
Dandelion Salad
Cindy Sheehan’s Soapbox Blog
Cindy Sheehan’s Soapbox
July 28, 2010

I am numb, I think.

Since the U.S. Corporate Military Industrial Complex forced me into the World of the Aware after my son’s murder in Iraq, I feel that the news freshly assaults me on a daily basis.

I am numb, I think, from being abused by this Empire on a regular basis for years.

I am numb, I think, because it wears on one to care so deeply when so many citizens of my national community (reader excepted) barely even know we are at war, let alone that we live in a murderous Empire.

On Friday, July 23rd when we were awaiting the birth of my new grandson in California, 52 Afghan civilians were slaughtered by US/NATO (same thing) forces.

I am numb, I think, because 52 people who have the exactly equal (if not greater) existential imperative as my grandchildren and your grandchildren; my children and your children; and you and I–who live in a war zone imposed on them by the Empire—based on lies and solely for profit—were alive and now they are dead.

I am numb because their deaths don’t make me feel safer—they make me feel like my existence is iffy and my numbness is a defense mechanism against what is only a news report to me—but life and death to millions of people who are in daily danger because The Empire that I live in sucks and most people who live here just don’t care. They are already numb–but not from an overload of bad news, but from the constant SOMA of the TV, or consumerism, or by simply trying to survive in this “big dog eat little dog” Empire.

I am numb, I think, because Wikileaks released over 91,000 leaked documents dealing with the day-to-day operations in Afghanistan that detail obvious and hidden war crimes. Just like with the Collateral Damage video previously released—did anyone who has been paying attention learn something new and did anyone who isn’t paying attention all of a sudden grow compassion skills? I doubt it–so I am numb, I think.

I am numb, I think, because many people elected a “Change” regime that has turned out to be a “Status Quo” regime and many of the people who voted for the Changer-in-Chief have become born again Cheerleaders for War. The anti-Decider-in-Chief movement has all but fizzled out to nothing. That the “Changer” is no different or better than the “Decider” is not what has numbed me–it’s the unreasonable support for the Changer that would cause me to stomp my feet in disgust, if it weren’t for the numbness.

Deep down inside of me, there is the Cindy who is raging against the Democratic Congress’s passage of the recent war-funding bill, but so I don’t explode, I am outwardly calm. Pissed off Cindy has to be in here, or I wouldn’t be writing this piece–but the rhetoric that I have written hundreds of times is now having the feeling of “been there, done that.” Well, I am numb, I think, because I have visited this topic continually and words are just not cutting it. How many words are there for: murder, death, destruction, slaughter, starvation, predatory Capitalism, war profiteering, war, illegal, immoral, war crimes, callous, greedy, rape, pillage, plunder, blah, blah, blah!

We live in an Empire that on a daily basis murders dozens of people without blinking even before I drink my first cup of coffee and which always ignores the basic needs of its own citizens. But its citizens are quietly complacent and materially complicit in these crimes. Slaves of, and to, The Empire.

I am numb, I think.

The numbness in me is reinforced when I hear that the US is increasing hostilities against Venezuela, North Korea and Iran. When will supporters of The Changer wake up?

Soon, I hope (at the risk of using The Changer’s word) because this feeling of numbness is not healthy and just as twisted as the actual and hypocritical support for The Empire, depending on who inhabits the Oval Office.

I am numb, I think, but the Cindy who burns for justice and peace is still inside of me and I am sure she will be back out at some point.

Soon, I hope.


Democracy Now!: Julian Assange: Transparent Government Tends to Produce Just Government

Oil leaks = wikileaks by Roxanne Amico

Will the U.S. Annex Latin America? By Timothy V. Gatto

Still Waiting for Change/Godot to Get Here by Sean Fenley

The Casey Sheehan “End to War” Bill by Cindy Sheehan

War Parties Join Hands In $$$ Orgy by Bruce Gagnon

Afghanistan on Dandelion Salad


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3 thoughts on “The Numbness of Awareness by Cindy Sheehan

  1. Pingback: Why go after the criminals when you can just kill the messengers? By Jerry Mazza « Dandelion Salad

  2. Dearest Cindy & Ariel,
    For several different, yet concrete reasons; I sometimes have these “sinking in the swamps of sadness” times. Cindy, “oh, thou art beautiful; oh! my love”. I say the above because: I believe I understand you to the core of my soul. I watched Zachary; my beloved little son be crushed to a vegetative state, under a tree that had been cut down in our yard the night prior; whom succumbed to his injuries around six weeks later. He took his last breaths in my arms. It was an honor. He was so little. He was so very beautiful. He was so proud to be a big brother to Eli, at the age of four. What a gem.
    I know, at least I had the opportunity to say goodbye. I remember someone came into Zacha’s isolated room in the ICU, whom worked there: and exclaimed “he can’t hear you”. I remember turning around, knowing that he had over heard me talking to Zacha, and reading his favorite Mercer Mayer books; and I told him “he can hear my soul”.
    Corruption of our so called government! I am so sorry…it’s nothing more than representatives representing their own interests. Nothing more & nothing less. It is time to revolt. Demonstrate our beliefs. Use the numbness. WE can do this. We know depth. It will become infuriating, nauseating, unacceptable, and hopefully lead to action on our part. I have learned so very much these past 100 days reading everything, or almost everything referencing “big Corporation”, who has their pockets being filled by whom. I have always been a rebel in reference to the earth, now it is becoming cool to be earth wise. It’s oil they’re after. Money. Lots of it. In fact trillions and more. I am so very deeply sorry and livid about your son, and every one else’s. Sweet smiles through tears to you, Peg

  3. Dear Cindy,

    You can feel numb or you can feel that you are being whipped to death and have no skin left to protect you, which is the way I’ve been feeling.

    I’m an American living in China, so the recent show of force by the U.S. navy in war games with South Korea bringing the USS Washington fueled tremendous rage on my part.

    The U.S. military knows full well what it’s doing and it wants war. And it will get its war… eventually, despite the best efforts of peace activists like myself who are continually on the watch to put out their fires.

    And yes, my rage spills over to the Americans who do nothing to resist, who continue to sleep or go back to sleep, and who don’t seem to know or care about what’s happening in the world. One of my best friends from childhood is like that. She doesn’t follow politics because it’s too upsetting. She doesn’t understand why I still do when I get so worked up all the time.

    I know that she serves in her own way and that not everybody sees as clearly the need for us to take responsibility in our greater community and not to let crimes be committed in our name. I take responsibility for my friend and for others who don’t have the bigger picture and who don’t understand what’s going on.

    And it’s painful to be this aware when most other people are not. I share your pain. Sometimes I want to die to escape it. But it also makes me strong that I can feel what’s going on. And I work through it, and somehow when I manage to do that, I pull a lot of other people along with me. You, Cindy, and I, and actually quite a number of other people, especially here on Dandelion Salad, have great responsibility and great power. We can articulate and write about what’s happening. We do see clearly.

    There is something to do with timing. And I’ve found that my voice gets heard when I speak up at a time when every one else is too afraid to speak, so there is a deafening silence in which you get heard. And the truth has a way of resonating to the very core of people. I do believe in the power of truth and that the truth can set us free.

    So keep pitching, Cindy. Your ardor, your rage is powerful.

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