Congress & The Keystone Cops by Josh Sidman


by Josh Sidman
Dandelion Salad
featured writer
Josh’s Blog Post

Oct. 12, 2007

Congress & The Keystone Cops

I swear, every time I think things in this country have gotten as fucked up as they could possibly be, the government figures out new and innovative ways to make things even worse. Today’s entry in the “why the fuck would you do that?” category is a bill approved by a House panel which will describe Turkish atrocities committed against Armenians in World War I as genocide. In response to this action, the Turkish government has ordered its Ambassador to return to Turkey for “consultations”. Without wishing to in any way take away from the seriousness of what may have happened 90 years ago, it seems absolutely pointless to needlessly antagonize a key ally in the most volatile region on the planet over a symbolic gesture with no practical purpose whatsoever.

All of this comes at a time when the situation in Iraq continues to deteriorate and a civil war and/or partition of Iraq into separate countries seems increasingly likely. Turkey is one of the key players in this equation, and tensions have been mounting between them and the US. Turkish aircraft have been conducting raids on Kurdish groups in Northern Iraq, despite the disapproval of the U.S. And, just at this crucial juncture, in response to well-organized lobbying by some Armenian pressure-groups, Congress is planning to administer a completely pointless slap in the face to the Turkish government. Its as if a slap-stick comedy writer were scripting the actions of the government in such a way as to build up to ever more ridiculous bungles and prat-falls. It would almost be comical if the likely consequences weren’t so tragic.

I never thought it would happen, but for once I agree with the Bush Administration on something. Defense Secretary Robert Gates observed that 70% of air cargo bound for Iraq passes through Turkey. He went on to predict that, “access to airfields and to the roads and so on in Turkey would very much be put at risk if this resolution passes, and Turkey reacts as strongly as we believe they will.” Now, I am an energetic opponent of the war in Iraq, but even I recognize that if you are at war, it is completely counterproductive to needlessly antagonize key allies.

This is yet another installment in the “politics of the absurd” that characterizes everything that happens in Washington these days. Everything is so goddamn ridiculous that the ordinary citizen can do nothing but look on and stare in disbelief. After all, its no longer the case that anyone, Republican or Democrat, can attribute everything that is going wrong to the “idiots on the other side of the aisle”. The fact is that the entire system is completely dysfunctional, and electing a Democrat President instead of a Republican will do nothing to address the glaring need for a complete overhaul of our system of government.

The only advice I can offer is to withdraw support from mainstream candidates in both parties. Most Americans seem afraid to take such a step, since they are terrified about what will happen if the “other” party gains control. But the fact is there is no “other” party. There is just one big group of corrupt, self-serving shitheads, all of whom need to be unceremoniously thrown out on their asses. So, as we approach the presidential election season, I urge everyone who shares my concerns to abandon ALL of the front-running candidates. Don’t vote for Giuliani because you hate Hillary, and don’t vote for Hillary because you think she’s got the best chance to defeat the Republicans. Such thinking is nothing more than the Politics of Fear, and it is exactly what the big-wigs in both parties want from us. It doesn’t matter if its Hillary or Giuliani or Edwards or Thompson – they’re all a bunch of criminals, and the only hope is that the American people rise up en masse and send a clear message that NONE OF THE ABOVE are acceptable. Vote for Mike Gravel or Ron Paul or Dennis Kucinich, or don’t vote at all. Any of these options is a better choice than a vote for any of the shitbags who are currently leading in the polls.

American Economy: The Flooded Engine by Josh Sidman

by Josh Sidman
Dandelion Salad
Featured Writer
Oct. 11, 2007


Anyone who has had the unpleasant experience of trying to start an old car with a faulty ignition will be familiar with the phenomenon of a flooded engine. When you’re having trouble starting a car, it is usually effective to step on the gas pedal while turning the key in an effort to force-fire the engine. However, this procedure can become counterproductive if used to excess. Eventually too much gas is administered, and the engine will not start again until the excess gasoline has had time to drain off or otherwise dissipate.

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